My goat has been gotten
As you may or may not have noticed, my general approach to the world tends at most times to be to attempt to ignore most stuff about most stuff. This usually works pretty well for me, and I'm fairly certain my blood pressure is a lot better than most people's as a result. To my regret, however, there are times at which too many people happen to be discussing something in too many contexts for me to remain unaware of it. Global warming, for example. Genocides taking place in various areas of the world, for another example. Ahmacockyjad, for another example. And now, this.
I think I'm going to scream, and for a very simple reason. The letter is very good, very accurate, and very timely (unfortunately). However, the author of this letter, by addressing the letter "to the teachers and principals of the Modern Orthodox school system", has, in my perception, apparently bought into the problem labeled "Thing #3" in this post.
I am willing to bet that in the vast majority of cases, the kids on the program described in the letter come from homes that are not carefully structured around a core of Torah and mitzvot. I don't mean that they don't make kiddush on Shabbos or that the Pesach hotels they go to aren't kosher. I mean, that there is most likely not a constant, active, vibrant sense of religious focus and identity in their homes. I mean that the parents likely don't display, either in words or in deeds, the sort of reverence for halacha that is likely to instill a similar reverence in their children. Etc.
Pay attention, people. Parents are the most important things in the world. IN THE WORLD. Home life is everything. Everything. And yes, I know there are plenty of exceptions; yes, I know that kids from the most actively spiritual homes ever can still chuck it all once they're out; and yes, I know that kids from the least spiritual homes ever can still become the most committed and serious Jews in the world. But those are the exceptions, my friends. The exceptions.
A yeshiva/day school education is a supplement to the formation of a child's Jewish identity and commitment. A very, very important and critical supplement, but a supplement. If we want our youth to grow up respecting and following halacha and feeling a serious sense of Orthodox Jewish identity and pride, we must focus on our home lives first. Because I promise you. In the vast majority of cases, texts and history and all the hashkafah classes in the world will be meaningless if their messages and importance are not enforced, and reinforced, and modeled - constantly, seriously, and actively - in the child's home.
Humph. This sort of thing really gets my goat.
So, teachers and principals in the modern Orthodox school system - yes, do all the stuff the author of the letter describes. It all sounds good to me. But you are not the problem, or at least, not the whole problem. So please. Do not blame yourselves, and don't let anyone else blame you, if your absolute best efforts don't end up being the magic bullet people think they should be. Because there is no magic bullet, and you can't be expected to make a cup overflow when its bottom is covered with holes.
I think I'm going to scream, and for a very simple reason. The letter is very good, very accurate, and very timely (unfortunately). However, the author of this letter, by addressing the letter "to the teachers and principals of the Modern Orthodox school system", has, in my perception, apparently bought into the problem labeled "Thing #3" in this post.
I am willing to bet that in the vast majority of cases, the kids on the program described in the letter come from homes that are not carefully structured around a core of Torah and mitzvot. I don't mean that they don't make kiddush on Shabbos or that the Pesach hotels they go to aren't kosher. I mean, that there is most likely not a constant, active, vibrant sense of religious focus and identity in their homes. I mean that the parents likely don't display, either in words or in deeds, the sort of reverence for halacha that is likely to instill a similar reverence in their children. Etc.
Pay attention, people. Parents are the most important things in the world. IN THE WORLD. Home life is everything. Everything. And yes, I know there are plenty of exceptions; yes, I know that kids from the most actively spiritual homes ever can still chuck it all once they're out; and yes, I know that kids from the least spiritual homes ever can still become the most committed and serious Jews in the world. But those are the exceptions, my friends. The exceptions.
A yeshiva/day school education is a supplement to the formation of a child's Jewish identity and commitment. A very, very important and critical supplement, but a supplement. If we want our youth to grow up respecting and following halacha and feeling a serious sense of Orthodox Jewish identity and pride, we must focus on our home lives first. Because I promise you. In the vast majority of cases, texts and history and all the hashkafah classes in the world will be meaningless if their messages and importance are not enforced, and reinforced, and modeled - constantly, seriously, and actively - in the child's home.
Humph. This sort of thing really gets my goat.
So, teachers and principals in the modern Orthodox school system - yes, do all the stuff the author of the letter describes. It all sounds good to me. But you are not the problem, or at least, not the whole problem. So please. Do not blame yourselves, and don't let anyone else blame you, if your absolute best efforts don't end up being the magic bullet people think they should be. Because there is no magic bullet, and you can't be expected to make a cup overflow when its bottom is covered with holes.
Labels: Opinions
This entry was posted on Sunday, October 14, 2007 at 10/14/2007 03:00:00 PM.
Byactually many people would disagree with you. True, parenting is alot, but there are many scholars who bawk at the entire nature & nurture debate because at a certain point everyone is faced with choices, and no matter what came before, people make choices of their own making.
Bywould you say the child who lost a parent at a young age is at a disadvantage as a young adult who didnt have the benefit of the parent's care that the fellow classmate did when they are both faced with the same choices and behaivioral judgements?
3:36,
ByReally, many scholars bawk? Do said scholars speak English?
I'm not sure if you read RenReb's post at all, but again, as she clarified, you are discussing exceptions. And of course everyone agrees that at a certain point every child--and teenager--becomes an autonomous individual and chooses her own path. But it would constitute an absurdity to suggest that a child raised by committed Orthodox parents is equally likely to choose a committed Orthodox life as a child from an apathetic household.
And the answer to your question, which happens to be irrelevant to the topic at hand, is yes. If the tragically lost parent would have provided a strong religious model in the child's life, then the child unfortunately is that much less likely to blossom into a religiously committed adult.
i hear ya renreb, dus is emes.
ByRenReb, you're right.
ByThat being said, I did come away from all those years of dayschool education feeling as though something was missing- the 'why' behind it all. To ask questions and to get real answers to them- well, it wasn't easy, to say the least. And I attended some excellent schools, too.
In any case, while there's plenty of room for improvement with regard to dayschool education, the home life is indeed the essential ingredient (especially considering what I saw at one summer camp where I worked).
I agree - and your comments are true על אחת כמה וכמה in the Conservative Jewish world, where I currently reside. The kids in my synagogue whose parents are seriously committed to living Jewishly - who go to shul and bring their kids there, who have joyful Shabbat meals and invite friends to them, who study Torah, and who do their best to live up to the ethical standards of Judaism - their children are those who grow up to be most Jewishly committed. The level of education one gets in the two-day-a-week religious school of a Conservative synagogue in a small upstate town is not at all comparable to what one gets by going to a yeshiva or a day school - but combined with serious parental involvement, it results in children who want to learn more when they have the opportunity in college. Parental involvement is not the only factor, and certainly some kids whose homes provide miminal Jewish learning and practice end up being committed Jews - but it certainly helps to have parents for whom being Jewish is a serious center in their lives.
ByActually, if you give scholars enough good scotch, they'll also moo, and snort, and flap their imaginary wings.
ByTo RenReb: Amen, sister. Amen.
Ren, don't worry. It's in vogue to blame schools. It's the home and family first and foremost, and when anyone mentions that, well, you've seen the television brouhaha that results. Christians can't do it without being openly derided, Jews can't do it without being privately derided, Muslims can't do it without being praised insincerely for it...
ByEveryone is too busy defining being made to do something as simply being exposed to someone else's opinion. "You can't make me raise my kids your way!" Simply because we gave advice?
The world is at no loss for new things to elicit the word "oy" from my wife each day. This is one. Well, know you're right. It is the family and home. No, it's not easy to be as exciting and engaging as the Baal Shem Tov to your kids, and if you give off the smell of bs, they will go for the kill like depraved lions, but if you truly have the love of G-d about you when you are with them, it will show through.
So few have faith in this that they create the self-fulfilling prophecy. They don't even have faith in their own faith. How is a kid supposed to have any themselves? So, I suggest preaching to the parents, well, not so much preaching as gently reminding in common bond. If they get it, the kids will.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. As a teacher, I am so sick of being the punching bag for everyone.
ByFor those who feels that MO education doesn't t address the why's - The parents should be doing all the why's early and often. I know that my children's teachers will never have the opportunity since heartfelt talks on emuna and life are not appropriate in front of a class of 20. When we are going for a walk and my son asks about the sun and moon, I talk to him about Avraham Avinu. When he asks about Halloween I explain that we are the Chosen People. And when I am getting ready for Shabbos, we talk about creation. This is the time to have conversations and get the whys answered not in some stilted extra-curricular kumbaya.
Hn, yes. Thank you. I think all us teachers (not just the Orthodox ones in Orthodox schools who are likely not getting paid very well comparatively to one's education) get sick and tired for being blamed for all of society's ills.
ByAnd for the love of Pete, HIGH SCHOOLERS. What was this person expecting, something out of a Madeline book, two neat little rows of children walking along dressed the same and quietly nodding along to every word? Part of the point of being a teenager is to be little snots. Gives us adults a chance to practice our patience and perserverance.
Once upon a time, a long, long, time ago, when I was a grad student at YU's Albert Einstein College of Medicine, the snow fell, and lots of it. There we were, med students and grad students, almost all Jewish, walking down the snow covered street along Morris Park Avenue in the Bronx. Almost all Jewish, almost none of us frum. A young lady attempted to drive her car out of its parking spot, but with no luck, thanks to the heavy snow. Only I took the initiative of helping her by pushing her car. I practically had to bribe some of my fellow students to help. All were Jews, not one was religious, and only I took the initiative of responding to help that woman. I am a former Boy Scout, and a yeka, with no yeshiva training. We didn't keep kosher, or Shabbos, but I, unlike most of my peers of the time, understood 'the right thing' and did it. I t was a very minor deal.
BySomeone's got your goat????
ByI hope they give it back.
Seems to me that the writer is making a far simpler mistake, and that is forgetting that teenagers act out and test boundaries. In a camp situation, a structure that is neither the family nor the high school is in place, and they seek to test that structure's boundaries. I would be surprised if the writer himself was the angelic teen he imagines himself to be.
ByHis task is to ensure that as those teens probe for the boundaries, they find them. His tools should be a stern voice, a knowledge of tradition, and recourse to an engaged family.
I disagree. A child will spend 8 hours or more in school and maybe 4 to 5 waking hours at home. He is plenty influenced by his school.
ByMy goat has been gotten
ByHey RenReb,
I just wanted to let you know that we offer a special Goat Recovery service.
Since we like you we'd be happy to provide this service for free. Email me and we'll discuss how we can get your goat again, er, back.
I agree. Having taught in a k-3 grade religious school where mostly parents sent their kids to get taught about orthodoxy all the while doing next to nothing at home. A teacher can only do so much if it is not consistantly taught and reinforced at home.
Byevery facet of a childs upbringing has to be done in the best possible manner, and then you can only pray and hope.
Byren reb , is everything ok? you havent been around for a while and its getting us (or me atleast) a bit nervous so i just hope all is good.
Byi agree with you that the home and its influences are of primary importance,but boruch H" many kids [yes, the exceptions] turn out much better than expected despite their parents.
Byi must say, that although i enjoyed reading thru' your blog [for the first time], that i cringed from your use of the vernacular p____ to describe annoyance. it really doesn't suit you or your messages. i'm sure that you can get your message across and sound 'with it' without resorting to even mild street language. thanks.
asleep?
ByMy goat has also been gotten, this evening yet. I want my goat back.
ByMore to the point, write more. You haven't written in over two months. Helloooooooo? Anybody home?
Is all well?
My goat has also been gotten, this evening yet. I want my goat back.
ByMore to the point, write more. You haven't written in over two months. Helloooooooo? Anybody home?
Is all well?
Hi RenReb its such a long time since you posted - i hope everything is alright
Byis there any way to email you and be sure you get the email?
i tried emailing you in the past unsuccessfully so am just asking
sorry for harassing
and i do hope everything is OK
This just in -
ByHogsmeade, England: Aberforth Dumbledore, brother to the renowned late wizard Albus Dumbledore, has been arrested and charged with illegal goat possession.
Authorities from the Ministry of Magic (Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Dept) reported that Dumbledore had been attempting to coerce the goats of various religious leaders to accept a flying plate of spaghetti as their new deity. By all accounts, these attempts were unsuccessful.
The Ministry assured this reporter that the goats would soon be returned to their rightful owners. If they can be found.
The goat may be dead. Is the blog?
ByHi Rebbetzin,
ByWould you like to post at The Jewish Connection? I'm trying to revive that blog... Thanks.
Miss you, RR.
By"I don't mean that they don't make kiddush on Shabbos or that the Pesach hotels they go to aren't kosher."
ByI think you're compromising your anonymity a tiny bit- if Pesach hotels are routine in your world, you're clearly in a pretty good-sized Jewish community (e.g. metro NYC, LA, Chicago).
The Blossom
By(1)
Merry, merry sparrow!
Under leaves so green,
A happy blossom
Sees you, swift as arrow,
Seek your cradle narrow
Near my bosom.
(2)
Pretty, pretty robin!
Under leaves so green,
A happy blossom
Hears you sobbing, sobbing,
Pretty, pretty, robin,
Near my bosom.
-----by maple story account
Hello all,
ByI hope to find you well and to let you know that there is a Full time 24/7 Jewish TV Station just waiting for you to tune in. Go to www.JLTV.tv, Or Channel 491 in San Antonio and Channel 120 in New York and New Jersey through Time Warner Cable. If you do not get Jewish Life TV in your city or town, Please call your local cable company and request it, and we are also working diligently on our end to make it a reality.
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