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Ye of little faith, plus the Jewish education bee in RenReb's bonnet

"Left the building?" I HAVE NOT. If the time ever comes in which I decide to leave the blogosphere forever and for real, as opposed to just for a few months at a time, I will certainly say so in no uncertain terms. Ok? Really, people. Where has your faith gone??

Hey, isn't "ye of little faith" a quote from the Christian Bible? Oops.

So, on the topic of things I can't ever say out loud, I have some bees in my bonnet (surprise). Want to hear what they are?

Bee #1: Idiots and Jewish education.

I am so. Sick. And. Tired. Of the following things (and of many others):


  • Thing #1: People who piss and moan endlessly about the cost of yeshiva tuition, and yet expect the school(s) in question to provide their children with the sun, the moon, and most of the planets.
Attention parents: Computers are not free. Internet access is not free. State-of-the-art sports facilities are not free. Utilities and building maintenance are very, very far from free. And the staff of your school does not work for free.

Point being: If you want the sun, the moon, and the planets, you have to be willing to pay for them. And planets are expensive.


  • Thing #2: People who piss and moan endlessly about the cost of yeshiva tuition, and yet complain about the quality of the teachers hired. A bit of wisdom, folks: If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
  • Thing #3: Parents who take no active interest whatsoever in nurturing their children's Jewish identity; no active interest whatsoever in the Jewish content of the children's education; provide zero spiritual sustenance in their homes; set horrible examples as halakhic role models; and then blame the child's school and the child's shul and everyone in the child's life except themselves when the child tosses Orthodox Judaism out the window. I'm sorry, but what did they think was going to happen? If you want to grow something, you have to plant it, tend it, and care for it, actively, constantly, and with dedication and determination, every day of every week of every year. You cannot just stick a seed outside and expect the wind and the rain to perform your particular brand of magic for you. Schools and shuls and friends are absolutely critical, but nothing is more important than parents. Nothing. Your child's Jewish identity and commitment are YOUR responsibility before anyone else's. Put in the effort, and pay active and proper attention, or don't complain about the results.

[Gratuitous and slightly related (but mostly just fun):

But now, my dears, we think you might
Be wondering—is it really right
That every single bit of blame
And all the scolding and the shame
Should fall upon Veruca Salt?
Is she the only one at fault?
For though she's spoiled, and dreadfully so,
A girl can't spoil herself, you know.
-
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
(the book) (duh)

And of course, this:

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat,
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame.
You know exactly who's to blame:
The mother and the father.
-Willlie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
(you know, the real movie, with Gene Wilder)]

Incidentally, I am well aware that there are no guarantees in life. I have absolutely seen children of the most religiously active, hands-on, involved parents in the world nevertheless leave the Orthodox Jewish path. Of course there are no foolproof formulas (formulae?) for ensuring that your children will grow into the sort of adults you envision. I'm just saying, I am sick and tired of parents doing next to nothing to actively, and powerfully, contribute to their children's Jewish identities, but instead expect the Establishment to do the job for them. It just doesn't work that way, people. And if it does, it's because you got lucky. But if it doesn't, you can't pin the blame on everybody in the world except yourselves.

  • Thing #4: Parents who piss and moan about the cost of yeshiva tuition, AND have the audacity to ask for scholarships, while they routinely pour more money than the cost of educating their children into things like Pesach hotels and obscenely extravagant bar and bat mitzvah celebrations. These cases are so commonplace it's simply astounding. I really can't wrap my mind around what these parents are thinking. It quite simply defies all logic.
Parents: Nobody is getting rich off your tuition dollars. Trust me (unless your school is being run by corrupt fools, which, regrettably, some are). Stop being freaking crybabies and accept that everything costs money; good things cost more money; and excellent things cost the most money.

In addition to that, there is no such thing as perfection. The world is imperfect. People are imperfect. Therefore the institutions that people establish and run are also imperfect. That's the way it is. I promise you that no matter how much your school charges in tuition, they are still going to occasionally, or perhaps more than occasionally, screw up. Running yourself ragged and forfeiting life's pleasures to pay these gigantic tuition sums sucks, but it does not entitle you to expect perfection from your child's school. There is no such thing as perfection. End of story.

Incidentally: the tuition problem is horrendous. Horrendous. You won't hear me saying it isn't. But much of the pissing and moaning that takes place is quite simply offensive and out of line. People need to realign their priorities and establish some perspective, and think of something to do besides complain. Not everybody's priorities are messed up, of course. But a heck of a lot of people's are.

By the way, I think I'll take this opportunity to toss out a plea. If there are any very wealthy people out there reading this post (hey, you never know), please consider giving all of your money to me establishing some sort of scholarship fund or teachers' salaries fund or something similar at a yeshiva in your area. Yes, I know, you've probably thought about this before, but think about it again. I know it isn't as straightforward as it sounds, but please do it anyway. And if the yeshiva in your area happens to be run by corrupt fools, then find another yeshiva that isn't (yes, there are some), and do it for that yeshiva. Or better yet, use your influence (if you have any) to try to get rid of the corrupt fools and fix up your local yeshiva. We need the super-duper wealthy people out there (and I'm told that there are a few in the Orthodox Jewish world) to help the tuition crisis. Not the lack-of-tennis-court crisis, or the lack-of-astronomy-lab crisis, but the tuition crisis. This is a problem that only money can truly solve, and I'm begging the people with money to put their heads together and work on creative solutions.

Begging.

Ok then. I think that exhausts the Jewish education portion of the bees in my bonnet. I can hear some of the buzzing subsiding already. So, let's review the lessons we've learned today at RenReb.com:


  1. Stuff costs money
  2. You get what you pay for
  3. Priorities, people, priorities
  4. Solidly committed Jews aren't spontaneously generated, and are unlikely to be molded completely by outside forces
  5. No amount of money can buy perfection, because perfection does not exist
  6. If you have lots of money, please a) pay your kids' tuition, and b) think about how you might help the crisis at large. This is everyone's problem, people. Everyone's. This problem even belongs to people who don't have kids or whose kids have finished school. Every last member of the Jewish nation needs vibrant and successful schools that are staffed by talented professionals. So please. For God's sake (literally), help make it so.

This brings me to the second bee in my bonnet. That bee being: Modern Orthodoxy's abject terror of the Evil Right Wing. In deference to a friend who shall remain nameless, I shall not create a monstrously long post by writing on that topic now, but instead I shall wait a bit. Stay tuned to RenReb.com for further details.

Oh yeah, and it's Elul, or so I've heard. So don't forget to like, do tshuva and stuff.

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By Blogger shanna, at 8:24 PM

If you pay peanuts, you get elephants. If it's monkeys you want, you gotta pay in bananas.    

By Blogger Singerspawn, at 1:12 AM

Speaking of Elul, you posted last year about this @#%! who is withholding a get from his wife. Unfortunately, she is still chained to him and he is still profiting from the Orthodox community. The following is posted on the OU's website. I can't imagine anyone wanting to sit in a succah sold by this guy.


Seruv Against Sam Rosenbloom
August 08, 2007

The owner of the websites described below, www.succah.com and www.succah.safewebshop.com, is in violation of Jewish law, in that he has not given his wife a get, a Jewish divorce decree. He has failed to comply with an order issued by the Baltimore Bet Din (Jewish court). Until he gives his wife a get, she is not permitted to remarry under Jewish law.

Sam Rosenbloom has a seruv issued against him by the Baltimore Bet Din. A copy of the seruv can be viewed at www.getora.com/seiruvim.htm .

Mr. Rosenbloom owns and operates an on-line sukkah business at http://www.succah.com . We strongly recommend that no Jewish person buy from his website, that no synangogue grant him an aliyah or other religious honor or benefit, and that no Jewish family invite Mr. Rosenbloom into their home or otherwise provide him with Yom Tov or Shabbat hospitality.

If you have a question regarding this announcement, please contact your local Orthodox rabbi for the appropriate guidance. If you do not have an Orthodox rabbi available, you may email info@ou.org for the name of an Orthodox rabbi in your area.    

By Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata, at 5:32 AM

please consider estabilishing some sort of scholarship fund or teachers' salaries fund to help teachers learn how to use SPELLCHECK

Sorry, I had to do that. I feel much better now ;-)    

By Blogger Renegade Rebbetzin, at 10:55 AM

Jameelie, I have no idea what you're talking about.

(HOW DARE YOU CORRECT MY SPELLING) (COCKYHEAD)    

By Blogger rabbi without a cause, at 12:43 PM

Back in the building! Amazing!

The "little faith" line may be Christian, but they don't have a monopoly. The phrase קטני אמונה appears in the Gemara in at least a couple of places (Sotah 46 and Erchin 15). If you want to know who said it first, go ask Dovbear. Or maybe don't ask him.

However, you could have gone with "Hope springs eternal." This line sounds Christian, but isn't - even though it was penned by a Pope.    

By Anonymous Mom who cares!, at 2:00 PM

I, for one, hoped much more frequently than I doubted.
Hooray for a new post!
Personally, I wanted to complain, so I joined the board to give help/funds and work on the problems. You got to pay to play.    

By Blogger Halfnutcase, at 2:54 PM

Not everybody's priorities are messed up, of course<,> But a heck of a lot of people's are.

rebbetzin, you need a comma there, not a period, or maybe a semi colon, but not a period, especialy as you don't generaly begin a new sentance with words like "but" (although people do it all the time).

:-)

*runs for cover    

By Blogger ClooJew, at 5:42 PM

Do the math people. Anyone with a fourth grade education in arithmetic can, lulei demistafina, calculate that the cost of educating a Jewish child surpasses the tuition at the most expensive yeshivas.

Anyone who thinks the yeshivos are getting rich via tuition are delusional. At most yeshivos, tuition covers perhaps 30% of the budget. That figure is probably higher at the $20,000 a year schools, but certainly well below 100%.

Yeshivos should publish an annual income statement to let people in on this apparently little-known fact.

The answer, lulei demistafina, to the problem would be to spread out the burden of Jewish education. Instead of it coming from young parents, it should come from those parents over the course of their lifetimes, culminating in gifts from their estate at 120. This "5% Plan" has been proposed in other cities. The Yeshiva of Flatbush in Brooklyn is trying to get it off the ground in NYC.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:37 PM

Sorry, RenReb. I like your content, and much of your language, but some of it (e.g., "Parents who p*** and moan") is unnecessary and off-putting.    

By Blogger Renegade Rebbetzin, at 10:46 PM

Ugh. You're right, of course. It always seems ok to me when I write it, though. :(    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:04 AM

Personally, I liked that you said "piss and moan." It's your genuine voice, and it's expressive of your feelings. Don't second guess yourself.

Far from being put off, I find your straightforwardnes and earthiness very refreshing. Besides, you are, after all, the Renegade Rebbetzin - if someone is put off by your language, perhaps he or she forgot who they were reading...

So, to beat a dead horse: there is a reason that it felt OK to you when you were writing it - it is genuine and subversive, as is the rest of your writing.

As we say in my neck of the woods, "nevah change."    

By Anonymous scn08, at 1:47 AM

Would all you obnoxious commenters please keep your comments to yourselves??? The RenReb finally came out of hiding and wrote a great post, but I wouldn't blame her if she decided to wait another month or two before gracing us with her presence again.

Why is it necessary to correct her grammar? Or complain about [your perceived] "bad words" she chooses to use? The rest of us are very happy with her posts, so please keep your mouths shut or stay away from her blog if she bothers you so much!

RenReb-I love you! Ignore the obnoxious people. You're perfect just the way you are.    

By Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata, at 5:11 AM

Would all you obnoxious commenters please keep your comments to yourselves???

I can't STAND sycophants?!

And RenReb: Was that an "ahem" you just pulled on your blog, by changing something retroactively?

;-)    

By Blogger Halfnutcase, at 3:58 PM

we love the renreb! I just wanted to be yelled at.

:(    

By Blogger Schvach, at 5:42 PM

Rebbitzin:
Such language, such verve, so adamant - how delightful. What a class A blog, and welcome back to the land of the blogging. YoYenta.com has a blog posted Aug 13 that also deals with Jewish education and its problems, although not from the Orthodox perspective, along with some lively comments.
Not knowing when you'll post next, Shanah Tova Rebbitzin.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:43 AM

I sometimes piss and moan about tuition, but mostly for the same reason that people piss and moan about gas prices. Because it's expensive.

However, the legitimate complaint is that schools are not run efficiently. There is much waste and way too many assistant principals. The schools that I send my kids act more like self-interested profit-maximizing institutions rather than as institutions that exist to serve the community.

As another blogger that is well known here recently pointed out, a little bit of transparency would help cut down the pissing and moaning.    

By Blogger JewishMama, at 4:14 PM

Have to agree with Anon, the schools just aren't run well. Money is wasted all the time. As for the quality of teacher, it would help if they were recruited on their ability to actually teacher, rather than just being related to the principle or other teaching staff!    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:43 AM

Here's a solution - make aliyah. Our total tuition for 3 girls (2 in high school, 1 in middle school) is a bit over $3,400 - including transportation. The only thing it does not include is books (throw in another $300). This is for an excellent school with a variety of majors.

Add this to your reasons to make aliyah.    

By Blogger MDmom, at 4:16 AM

ok, from someone who also lives on the other side of the pond -- all is not rosy in the education sphere, one of my greatest disappointments. while my kids' school is pretty good now that we've got a wonderful principal, my kids have 37 kids in their classes. the school could be great if misrad hachinuch would allow for more teachers, thereby cutting class size. at my youngest one's 1st grade parent orientation i was joking with one of the other olah parents how our perceptions have changed: my youngest has only 28 in her class -- and this is a good thing. making aliya on the basis of your child's formal education costs alone will most likely end in disillusion and disappointment. don't get me wrong -- i am not unhappy that we made aliya, my children are getting so much more they would not get in the united states but be realistic about the "free" formal education you would get.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:34 PM

The problem is from the "learner's" who get married have kids and say they can't afford tuition because they sit and learn. And of course G-d forbid do their Kollels or of their own volition go to the school and offer free tutoring services? No all the money has to come from parents that work all day and make a nice living and then have to give the money to a school that crams 25 kids in a classroom because only 5 of them are paying full tuition. Let all the bums that are not sitting and learning for a reason ie studying to become a Dayaan, Rebbe, Shul Rabbi etc... get off thier tuchas's and get a job!    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:33 PM

I love love love this piece - Everyone blames rabbis, teacher, administrators for the state of education but don't do anything personally about it. As another renreb I am so sick of everyone blaming the rabinnic leadership for their problems. A rabbi can work with you not instead of you.

The last commenter threw out the other red herring of an excuse . . . kollel. How many kids from kollel families are actually in your children's school? How much of the budget does their tuition account for? If you are not living in Lakewood then there are not all that many kollel yungeleit in your community. And tuition doesn't cover the expenses so kolleleit are not the cause of all things evil    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:58 PM

Leadership... isn't the problem leadership? folks look to principals, and rabbis, and others for LEADERSHIP and "guidance" with priorities. when leadership is afraid to speak up for fear of offending folks who *might* have money to contribute (after that pesach hotel and that HUGE bar mitzvah or wedding or the latest model gas guzzling escalade....) then we all suffer. especially the folks who actually really do need help with tuition and end up feeling humiliated because even with scholarships they are struggling to do a simple bar mitzvah and pesach at home.

since people must, in principle, fully disclose their financial circumstances, why don't schools say NO to folks who "demand" financial aid and then use tuition money for a Pesach Hotel and obscenely extravagant simchas? or are these folks cheating the IRS as well?

you can't blame the rabbis and the principals for the behavior of others, but you can ask why they continue to be complicit in these behaviors by not speaking up and reminding people what is important in life. even the complaining can be turned on its head by helping people to re-evaluate their priorities. isn't that what good leadership is about? and beyond good... inspired and inspirational leadership can bring about significant change. it has to start somewhere...

oh wait.. we're not talking about the upcoming presidential election are we?    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:07 AM

No the problem is not leadership. the problem is everyone wants someone ELSE to be the leader. You want inspiring leadership - become an inspiring leader. At least the rabbis are doing something - maybe not well but they are trying. What about you?    

By Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg), at 12:14 PM

and sometimes even all the tuition money in the world can't save a school when it loses big donors.    

By Blogger Sabine613, at 1:32 AM

Wow, this was great. Especially the part about parents who expect their kids to marry Jewish (we don't aim so high here) when they don't take them to shul, send them to Jewish schools or keep the Jewish lifestyle mitzvot (Shabbat, Kashrut, etc.) And I know, too, that there are no guarantees (my HS rebbe always said, "Hey, Avraham had a Yishmael. Yitzchak had an Esav.") but you take your kids out of the (excellent but really needs you) day school or don't consider it in the first place because it's expensive or you value the diversity offered by the public schools and then expect what, exactly? I try not to be annoyed and just try to help and be sad, but argh! Then I remind myself that I just work here. It's not my job to run their lives. I forget sometimes, like a mom, because I really, really care. But we just need to do our best, leave the rest to the Boss and relax as much as possible.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:12 PM

RenReb, I'm anon8:37 who posted the comment about some of your language. I suggest you smile nicely, ignore the loud posters who say that all the language is fine, continue to write what you feel -- and then, before you press SEND, correct any language that you know will offend some people and can be phrased differently but equally effectively.

The important thing is not the people who will dump on me for writing this, but your own sense of what's right.

Thanks!    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:28 AM

Why is the cost of education so high? Perhaps a few less administrators and a few more good teachers would sort out the problem. In England the Jewish schools provide an excellent education without the need for costly administration. All the money is spent on the most valuable resource, the teachers!The fact that Jewish education in the US is prohibitive for a lot of families is not acceptable, there should be a better solution.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:42 AM

I can't leave the last comment unchallenged (having experience with Jewish schools both in the US and in England). The cost of Jewish education in the UK is cheap (about 25% of American tuition) because it's governemnt funded. Simple as that.

That being said, the quality of education at Jewish schools in England (or at least in London) is far inferior to almost any American day school. Class sizes are about 30 kids per class.

Specifically, the high school that is sometimes referred to as the "flagship" of orthodoxy in the UK is very poorly run in a number of ways. Most notably, the quality of limudei kodesh is embarrassingly low by US standards.    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:09 AM

Renreb's language is fine. The whole point of this blog is to show the side of a Rebbetzin who is a Regular Person, not perfect, not always pious, but always focused on the really important things.
Deb    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:54 PM

While your posts pertain to Yeshiva, I would like to express the same concerns for supplemental programs. For many reasons that I won't go into my children attend public school, although I am a Yeshiva graduate. Their education is phenomenal, and the overall test scores of their school is higher than any of the four Jewish day schools in San Diego. I have a huge be in my bonnet, if not an entire swarm of bees, about the parents who expect their children to learn everything Jewish in 2-5 hours a week, while foresaking any semblance in Yiddishkeit in the home or community, including sending their children to Jewish camps.
Being Jewish is expensive - our schools are costly, our food is costly our camps are costly and our rituals are costly ($36/month to dunk in the mikvah). We accept that and simply work harder. People should spend less time pissing and moaning and more time doing. What ever happened to "Na-aseh v'nishmah?"
BTW - I love your language and honesty. People who can't listen to the terms piss and moan or who kvetch about commas and typos need to blog elsewhere!    

By Blogger L'Shmoah, at 8:27 PM

Ok, this is several months late but I only just discovered your blog now.

We have five girls, all in Yeshiva HS.

We are not poor, far from it -- with a gross income that is just shy of 200k/yr. And, you would think with that kind of income we would live quite well.

And, I think we SHOULD...

BUT-- tuition is now 25k per child per year -- for us that is $125k a year! That certainly does not leave enough money for us to (after taxes and other deductions) pay our mortgage, grocery bills, insurances, medical bills, automotive expenses, the cleaning lady (hey, we BOTH work, All the girls are BUSY with school and activities, that is a NECESSITY, not a luxury -- she only comes for 4 hours a week), utilities -- you get the picture.

We live in a MODEST home that is in dire need of work -- and I do not mean renovating my kitchen so it has all the latest fixings! I mean FIXING what is broken...but it ain't happening.

The Yeshivas post a tuition increase EVERY year. I once asked them WHY the tuition increases every year. The answer? They give their teachers raises every year. Sheesh! I do not get a raise every year.

Our priorities ARE in the right place--otherwise why else would we be sending our kids to Yeshivot? But I do seriously question that it must cost as much as it does.

At this point in our lives-- I do not foresee that we will EVER be able to retire.

Grrr...    

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:46 PM

I have just been told of your blog by a friend, RenReb, and am happily reading through the past posts. Please pardon my having to post this anonymously; I don't currently have a blog of my own.

The topic of challenges in Jewish education is of particular interest to me, having been involved in Jewish education for several decades, as a student, educator, administrator, and parent.The complexity of the issues are difficult to sort out, but there are groups trying to address them.

I highly recommend checking out the Superfund for Jewish Education and Continuity [SFJEC] and Jewish Educational Leadership Initiative [JELI] that was started in Chicago, Illinois to address several facets of the problem. Instead of 'pissing and moaning' about the lack of quality educators and resources, and high tuition costs, these two groups are designed to do something about it. What groups like SFJEC & JELI are doing is saying, "No excuses! Part of responsibility of the entire Jewish community is to educate our children. Not just parents, not just teachers--ALL of us. Let's work on it."

I believe that the vast majority of parents out there aren't just being whiners. I believe that most teachers and admins in the school systems do try to do a good job with what they get [and despite the tuition costs, it isn't enough--most teachers in the US aren't paid enough for what the populace expect them to do, which is RAISE the kids instead of what they're really supposed to do: supplement the parents' role with an education. That's a problem in ALL schools in the US, not just Jewish ones.]

The bottom line is this: We need to educate the kids in Jewish schools, and Jewish schools need to be places that the kids stay in to get the best education from their teachers, with support from parents and communities, and can leave with a quality education when it's time. It costs money, it costs time, and most of all costs EFFORT and COMMITMENT.

Yes, parents will kvetch. Teachers will kvetch. And others will kvetch about them kvetching. But wouldn't it be more effective if we all actually DID something about it?    

By Blogger Freshwater Phil, at 9:21 PM

Costs of Jewish education are constantly on the rise in addition to everything else connected with religion. Why is it that everything and anything associated with religion has to make the frum Jew feel extorted?

Just a few example:
Jewish schol teachers don't earn that much more than other school teachers, nor do the buildings cost any more either. Why is the tuition double?

Kosher food:
Cholov Yisroeal milk is and cheese is close to double, even they use the same farms and facilities for production. Why?

Kosher chickens are triple the cost of non kosher chickens, while the actual cost to procude a kosher chicken is about 25 cents. Why?

Even more ridiculous:
A neighborhood not far from here now has "kosher" eggs, as a couple misguided idiots decided that eggs from the supermarket are no longer acceptable. Of course, there price is close to double. WTF?

Cost of other religious articles, especially those associated with holidays, such as ethrogim, matza, etc, have also soared in cost way out of propoertion. Why?

Are we in a perpetual cycle of having to charge more because we are being charged more for everything?

Once upon a time there were laws in place that prevented Jwes from ovrecharging each other as clearly defined in the Rambam's Mishneh Torah. Yeshiva ketana in the time of the Tanaim were places for orphans to go to learn as they didn't have parents to teach them. The places where our great rabbis gathered to learn and debate didn't charge outrageous tuition fees either.

What happened?    

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And builds a road from earth to sky,

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