Hey!! I don't pray on your toilet!!
So don't you RELIEVE YOURSELF ON MY SHUL!!!
OK, so it wasn't ON the shul, per se, so much as next to the shul. But I happened past my shul yesterday and THERE WAS A GUY STANDING THERE URINATING in what he obviously thought was a subtle manner, right there on shul property, just a few short feet away from the building itself. His back was to the street and he was partially obscured by some trees, but I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING, and let's just say I DID NOT LIKE IT. Not one little bit.
("And then something went bump! How that bump made us jump!")
I should have called the cops. Or maybe pulled over, waited until he was finished, and then when he turned around, called out something like "You know, it's weird, but there's this thing called 'indoor plumbing' now. You should try it." Or "So what's it like to bond with the rest of the animal kingdom?" Or "You know, that's so nice of you, but WE HAVE A GARDNER WHO WATERS THE GRASS" (not that the grass is growing at the moment, but still). Or "You know, the Canaanites used to worship that way, but we actually have prayer books now." Or "How would you like it if I made sure you could never do that again?"
But I didn't do any of those things, because, well, a guy who's willing to do that - well, who knows what else he might be capable of, and I wasn't in the mood to get shot at or stabbed. Or urinated on, for that matter.
What a dork. I suspect he didn't realize it was a house of worship, or perhaps he would have been a bit more respectful. One can hope.
Want to know what sucks? I missed Dave Letterman last night. Apparently Oprah was on Dave a while ago, and I not only had no idea at the time, but they re-ran it last night and I was sleeping. Since when do I go to sleep before Dave comes on?? Since never, that's when. I can't believe it. If anyone has it on tape and wants to, I don't know, upload it to the web so I can watch it or something, let me know.
Want to know what else? There's this dork who visits our shul from time to time (no, not the Urinator, a different dork, who actually, you know, enters the shul) (hope you got the Seinfeld reference), and this dork used to chat with me at the kiddush in a friendly manner, but only recently has this dork discovered who I am - meaning, that I'm married to the rabbi. This dork used to just call me by my first name. Now, the dork not only calls me "Rebbetzin," but does it in a really teasing, mocking manner, in which the dork obviously thinks the dork is being funny in some way. The first time, I pretended not to hear the dork, and when the dork called again "HEY! Rebbetzin McPhil!!" I turned around and said "Oh, I didn't realize you were talking to me." The thing is, the dork only does this in front of other people, in an obvious attempt to be funny and to get a reaction out of me.
Note to the dork:
It isn't funny anymore. Actually, it was never funny, but I allow everyone one annoying shot at calling me "Rebbetzin" in an attempt to be funny. But it really isn't funny anymore. I do not take this as affectionate ribbing. You are not presenting it in a manner even slightly reminiscent of affectionate ribbing. You are presenting it in a manner that is mocking and degrading, and that insults both me as a person and the long line of women who have been proud to be married to rabbis. "Rebbetzin" is not a shameful insult that you should be making fun of. You are not being respectful. You are being a dork. CUT IT OUT.
OK, I'm done now. Shabbat shalom, all.
[OK. I LIED. IN MY LAST POST WHEN I PROMISED YOU WOULD HAVE THAT OTHER POST BY THE END OF THIS WEEK. WELL, I DIDN'T PROMISE, ACTUALLY, NOW DID I. I THINK I SPECIFICALLY SAID "BLI NEDER," WHICH MEANS I WAS NOT PROMISING. BUT I DID IMPLY THAT YOU WOULD HAVE IT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK, AND YOU WON'T. I'M SORRY. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BE PATIENT FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. I APOLOGIZE. IT'S JUST BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKS.]
OK, so it wasn't ON the shul, per se, so much as next to the shul. But I happened past my shul yesterday and THERE WAS A GUY STANDING THERE URINATING in what he obviously thought was a subtle manner, right there on shul property, just a few short feet away from the building itself. His back was to the street and he was partially obscured by some trees, but I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING, and let's just say I DID NOT LIKE IT. Not one little bit.
("And then something went bump! How that bump made us jump!")
I should have called the cops. Or maybe pulled over, waited until he was finished, and then when he turned around, called out something like "You know, it's weird, but there's this thing called 'indoor plumbing' now. You should try it." Or "So what's it like to bond with the rest of the animal kingdom?" Or "You know, that's so nice of you, but WE HAVE A GARDNER WHO WATERS THE GRASS" (not that the grass is growing at the moment, but still). Or "You know, the Canaanites used to worship that way, but we actually have prayer books now." Or "How would you like it if I made sure you could never do that again?"
But I didn't do any of those things, because, well, a guy who's willing to do that - well, who knows what else he might be capable of, and I wasn't in the mood to get shot at or stabbed. Or urinated on, for that matter.
What a dork. I suspect he didn't realize it was a house of worship, or perhaps he would have been a bit more respectful. One can hope.
Want to know what sucks? I missed Dave Letterman last night. Apparently Oprah was on Dave a while ago, and I not only had no idea at the time, but they re-ran it last night and I was sleeping. Since when do I go to sleep before Dave comes on?? Since never, that's when. I can't believe it. If anyone has it on tape and wants to, I don't know, upload it to the web so I can watch it or something, let me know.
Want to know what else? There's this dork who visits our shul from time to time (no, not the Urinator, a different dork, who actually, you know, enters the shul) (hope you got the Seinfeld reference), and this dork used to chat with me at the kiddush in a friendly manner, but only recently has this dork discovered who I am - meaning, that I'm married to the rabbi. This dork used to just call me by my first name. Now, the dork not only calls me "Rebbetzin," but does it in a really teasing, mocking manner, in which the dork obviously thinks the dork is being funny in some way. The first time, I pretended not to hear the dork, and when the dork called again "HEY! Rebbetzin McPhil!!" I turned around and said "Oh, I didn't realize you were talking to me." The thing is, the dork only does this in front of other people, in an obvious attempt to be funny and to get a reaction out of me.
Note to the dork:
It isn't funny anymore. Actually, it was never funny, but I allow everyone one annoying shot at calling me "Rebbetzin" in an attempt to be funny. But it really isn't funny anymore. I do not take this as affectionate ribbing. You are not presenting it in a manner even slightly reminiscent of affectionate ribbing. You are presenting it in a manner that is mocking and degrading, and that insults both me as a person and the long line of women who have been proud to be married to rabbis. "Rebbetzin" is not a shameful insult that you should be making fun of. You are not being respectful. You are being a dork. CUT IT OUT.
OK, I'm done now. Shabbat shalom, all.
[OK. I LIED. IN MY LAST POST WHEN I PROMISED YOU WOULD HAVE THAT OTHER POST BY THE END OF THIS WEEK. WELL, I DIDN'T PROMISE, ACTUALLY, NOW DID I. I THINK I SPECIFICALLY SAID "BLI NEDER," WHICH MEANS I WAS NOT PROMISING. BUT I DID IMPLY THAT YOU WOULD HAVE IT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK, AND YOU WON'T. I'M SORRY. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO BE PATIENT FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. I APOLOGIZE. IT'S JUST BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKS.]
This entry was posted on Friday, February 03, 2006 at 2/03/2006 08:48:00 AM.
By"How would you like it if I made sure you could never do that again?"
ByBrilliant... Filing this comment away for future use.
Brilliant post. Although I'm confused about all of the drok references. For future posts, can you please refer to your subjects as Dork1 and Dork2? :)
ByI once came out to my car from shopping and there was a guy right next to my car doing the exact same thing as your guy! I was so flabberghasted I didn't know what to do! And my mother was with me! If not for her, I may have said a loud curse word to the guy, but being the dork he was, he ran off like a little girl to find the next avaialble car. I am so sorry that happened to you and your shul. Dork...
ByI had a similar situation once, when I was a teenager. I pulled up to my house,and there was a 'shnorrer' at the door. I decided to stay in the car and wait till he went away, because I didn't have a checkbook and these guys get very angry when you hand them a single or a fiver. The guy knocked on the door, and when he got no answer, he peered through the window, and when he saw there was nobody home, he walked over to the side of the house, unzipped, and peed on our bushes.
ByICK!
But still, I didn't say a word. Timidity is the easy way out.
Good shabbos!
The problem is ... it's just too easy. We're guys.
By"WE HAVE A GARDNER WHO WATERS THE GRASS" (not that the grass is growing at the moment, but still)." Maybe it's not growing now because, THE GARDNER IS A GUY, duh. Exactly what is he 'watering' with?
(But on shul property is abhorrent)
Reminds me of a pig post ...
EEEEEEWWWWWWW....and in front of a synagogue? Some people...
ByShabbat Shalom, RR!
That title was a SLAM-DUNK!
ByI'm cracking up.
PS Check your email, I found you the perfect shoes.
Now, now. It's Friday. Take some chocolate from your private for-Fridays stash.
By(You don't have a for-Fridays stash of chocolate?! I thought we all had for-Fridays chocolate stashes. Stock one immediately!)
Eww! Stupid person! But I'm sad that you use dork in such a derogatory way...I usually think of it as an affectionate term for a very nerdy, techy sort-of person. That's ok, you're entitled to your usage of it, too. =)
ByYou would hope he didn't realize that it was a shul, and that he could be seen that easily. Emergencies are emergencies, but you better make darned sure you're somewhere that you won't get caught with your pants down. (Uhh, in the literal sense, for once.)
ByTo the 2 males so far who implied that it was OK to urinate in public, if not by a shul, whether "because we're guys and it's easy" or because it was an "emergency". As far as I know, guys' bladders present no more urgency than girls' bladders. There are muscles that take care of this sort of thing. We live in civilized society. There are plenty of things we could do, because theyre easy, and we want to, but we dont. Such is being a higher evolutionary species than, say, dogs (note to dogs: no offense, I LOVE you guys, get down with your cute selves, just mean its OK for you to drop trou and micterate in public...)(bonus points for knowing the "micterate" movie ref. Would it help if I said it really tied the room together?). So seriously, boys- Yes, boys, MEN would not urinate on a street- have a little respect for yourselves and your communities.
By-TRSPL
As for Dork 2, he may think he can kid with you and tease you because when he first met you he thought yo were a 'regular human'. Maybe you need to act towards him like he expects a rebbetzin to act. Very serious, don't smile. Wish him a lofty 'good shabbos' as you look down upon him from your great and holy height.
ByWhile it may not be the image you generally want, it may get him to stop and to show a little respect.
hmmmmm........maybe you could make a sign showing the neareast fire hydrant to the first dork.
ByA Gut Shabbes! :^)
I pee outside. In the woods. That's about it. I hope the guy didn't realize he was urinating in close proximity to a shul. Maybe he's just a run-of-the-mill gross dude.
ByTell the dork you do not, contrary to popular belief, relinquish your given name when you marry a rabbi. With a haughty air. (I have a feeling the RenReb has a haughty air on file, somewhere.)
No Letterman, here, sorry. And blogger is being a dork and not letting me into my OWN blog, which is lame.
Hope you have a good Shabbos!
For some reason, here in Israel there's a high percentage of guys who pee by the side of the road. ?????
ByWhat kind of climate are we talking about?
ByThe best revenge would be frostbite....
"Bli Neder means if she doesn't forget"
By- my daughter explaining the Facts of Life to my son
That's DISGUSTING. Ew ew ew ew ewwwwwww. I really hope that that guy didn't realize that the building was a shul. It was bad enough seeing it on the subway (during one of my first trips to the big city, too--I'm surprised I wasn't so traumatized that I never came back), but on a shul??? Or someone's house??? "Ewwww" just doesn't even begin to cover it.
Byabout the peeing thing: gross! I saw a maintenance guy of our building complex doing that on one of the garages once and I got annoyed but the shul thing is much worse obviously.
ByAs for the dork, could he possibly be reading this blog? that would be funny!
In the town in which I grew up, because of the marvelously gothic and cornery architecture of the church, every drunkard on his way home at two in the morning would take a leak in the shadowy folds of masonry.
ByOn a good day, you could smell the 'Domus Dei, Porta Coeli' for blocks....
Of course, it didn't help that half the buildings on the market square were drinking establishments.
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